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Relearning Trust

For as long as I can remember, I have wanted to someday be married and have children. This strong desire led me to ask for healing in my broken back, seeing that I was not capable of childbearing. Jesus generously responded with a miracle in May of 2013. He removed an obstacle to marriage and family life, and I cannot express the magnitude of joy and freedom I have experienced as a result. 
Perhaps less expressible (mostly by choice) is the fear that followed. With the new clarity that came with my freedom, I was hit with a dose of reality that I might someday be marrying a man, and that terrified me. Repressed memories with varying levels of trauma played over and over in my mind. A stranger in the hotel lobby holding out handcuffs and telling me he could use them with me, a man I hardly knew pushing me down onto a bed and lying on top of me, a friend who did not stop when I told him “no,” and so on.My heart was flooded with fear, distrust, and guilt.
I took it to prayer, I opened up t…

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