buh-bye, bison.. \m/

Just like that. 3 ½ years. I feel like I just started college, but apparently.. I’m done! The transformation in my life over these past few years has been tremendous and I’m so thankful for every last bit of it. In August of 2009, I had a transformation plan of my own that I was working on. However, my idea of transformation was more like… hiding. No one had to know anything about what I had gone through or what I was still struggling with. No one could know. That would have ruined the “normal life” I was trying to acquire. It was my goal to have everyone think I was happy and that my biggest concerns were calculus exams and my biggest decisions were regarding which of the various campus events to attend on a Friday night. They couldn’t know the reality: being concerned that I wouldn’t be able to make it walking across campus. Or making the decision of whether or not I wanted the doctor to insert several needles in my back and inject something in hopes to recreate my pain at very high levels in order to diagnose my problem. That was my life freshman year of college. All of it was my life; I was living a double life for quite a while. There were a handful of occasions where someone would find out that I’d had “some injuries from a car crash years ago,” but each time it added so much anxiety; it was such a threat to my secret. Even though I loved NDSU, I was ready to transfer to MSUM at the end of my freshman year, had the dorm deposit down and everything.

God kept me at NDSU, though. And looking back, I can sure see why. As noted, I was so lost my freshman year. My relationship with Christ was non-existent; I believed in Him and thought the faithfulness ended there. However, my interest in the Catholic Church had recently been sparked (thanks to Father Justin Waltz’s class and the pilgrimage to Rome over that summer) and so I was secretly glad when I was asked into a FOCUS Bible Study that freshman year. And I say secretly because I still wasn’t responding to e-mails or phone calls from my Bible Study leader [sorry, Sarah!] Somehow, I did end up at that first study, though. And I kept going. Every week. Through that Bible study, I was led to so many more resources through FOCUS and the Newman Center on campus. For the first time in my life, I was seeing people my age on fire for the faith and living it out in ways I didn’t know were possible. I discovered that I had a lot of growing to do and was presented with so many ways to make it happen. I started going to God; I gave Him praise and I thanked Him for all He had done for me. But I still wouldn’t hand over my struggles. I was hiding them from everyone else; why treat God any differently? I would sometimes tell Him about my struggles, but never ask Him to help me through them.

By sophomore year, my prayer life had grown a lot and I had come to know Jesus on a personal level. I started to trust God, to trust Him with my life and with my future. But He wanted my struggles along with it. I was stubborn and I kept resisting, but over time, I finally started to surrender them over to Him. And He took them. And He transformed them. I still struggle, but I am no longer burdened by my struggles. There is now a purpose to my pain. Pain is just a reminder of the true and beautiful gift that life is. This transformation has been huge. And it is just one way my faith has transformed my life. I could go on and on. My time at NDSU has certainly been well spent. Oh, and I should probably go back to the topic I started with and mention that I'm no longer hiding any secrets, which is probably apparent by most of this blog. [That was basically the whole purpose of starting it just about a year ago.] But anyways, I even had the wonderful opportunity to share my testimony with the NDSU FOCUS student missionaries a couple weeks ago at our Christmas party. Never would have seen that one coming! But it was great; thanks for listening, everyone!

Also, I’d like to thank everyone in the tri-college area that has had an impact on my life. There are so many people that have made such huge impressions on me, even people I’ve only talked to once. Or never even talked to for that matter. God has been working in my life and I’m so excited to be along with Him on the journey now instead of trying to take other dead-end paths. Dearest Bison, I will miss you all, but I am excited to announce the next step of my journey. Tonight is my last night in North Dakota; tomorrow morning I will be crossing the border and journeying to the SE corner of South Dakota, at USD in Vermillion. No, I will not be attending school there; I’m done with that business. I will be serving as a full-time campus missionary there with FOCUS – The Fellowship of Catholic University Students! It brings me so much joy to have the opportunity to continue God’s mission through the very same organization that brought me to Him. He changed my life through FOCUS and I know He can do it again. But more importantly, I know that He will do it again. God Bless!

one of my new teammates at USD - Evonne! she was my roommate at training this past summer and I got to visit her this semester.. accidentally visited my new campus - good thing I loved it! ;)

..Once a Bison, Always a Bison.. \m/