Arrow through the Heart

What an extraordinary week—so much heaviness, yet so much freedom.

It has begun. COR has been launched! We had three events this past week, and it is amazing how much God has transformed my own heart through these experiences—my confidence level seems to have skyrocketed throughout the week. For this to happen, I first had to face my fears. I had to choose to share myself, even when I thought no one would want to receive me.

I recently met a woman who—unintentionally—stabbed an arrow through my heart. Learning that I had been in a near-fatal car crash, she opened up about being in a crash herself. Sharing more of my story with her, I felt awful. Those who know me or have been following these posts probably know that it is difficult for me to open up. I share what God has done in my life only because I desire for His Power and Love to be made known—His Heart for Healing revealed. When my vulnerability is met with comparison—in whichever direction—it hurts so badly. I could sense a wall of bitterness as she kept repeating to me how “lucky” I am to not have pain. The point was missed. She was not aiming to undermine the Power of God, nor did she have ill intentions against me, but my heart was pierced so deeply. Luck has nothing to do with any of this!

I consulted Webster, and “luck” is defined as, “the seemingly chance happening of events that affect someone; fortune; lot”—not what happened to me. I wish I could express how much my experience has been the opposite of luck. Nothing has happened by chance—I asked for healing, and God very intentionally responded. Though very aware of this, I began to feel bombarded by all of the old lies. Tempted by comparison myself, I felt guilty that she was experiencing pain while the pain in my own back was no longer present. None of the suffering I had experienced—or am currently experiencing—seemed valid.

I found myself in tears before sharing my testimony at a parish on Thursday night. I feared that what I had to say would not be received—that I would be met with more bitterness—that instead of recognizing God’s desire for their healing, the audience would question why He had healed me and not them. I did not want to share. I wanted to hide and never speak again—so Jolene and I prayed. We went into a side room, and I found a wheelchair, so I sat in it while we prayed. I did not know how intensely the body could react. The lies seemed amplified, but the Truth was stronger. I am meant to be free—not confined to a chair or crippled by pain. As we asked for the guidance of the Holy Spirit and the receptivity of the audience, I was filled with Peace and Trust.

The event went very well—I am so glad that I did not hide or hold back. With confidence, I shared my journey of suffering and healing, inspired by a passage I discovered via a license plate during the drive to Iowa: Hebrews 11.

“Now faith is the assurance of things hoped for, the conviction of things not seen … And without faith it is impossible to please God, for whoever would approach him must believe that he exists and that he rewards those who seek him.”

Hebrews 11: 1, 6

Faith—not luck. I am not an exception to suffering, but a witness to healing. You will suffer, for there is a cross to carry, but there is nothing to fear in suffering. Though God does not will it, He allows it to bring forth a greater good. Nothing is beyond His control. Ask Him to be your strength, or you will remain in confusion and despair—you cannot fight on your own. Invite Him into your suffering. Have faith. Ask for healing. It does not mean that the pain will go away, or that something will happen immediately, but you will be given Grace to endure everything with patience (Colossians 1: 11). Experience His Peace and Joy in the midst of suffering. The pain will end, but it may not be until death, when we enter fully into the Presence of God. In all things, pray that His Will be done. In following Him, regardless of what happens, you will be fulfilled. Ask Him to form you into who He created you to be—His Child—and allow Him to take care of you.

Be made well.