Accept Your Goodness
“Examine yourselves to see whether you are living in the faith.” // 2 Corinthians 13: 5
This year has been a bit of a whirlwind, and I have been reflecting on it a bit as it nears its end. God has borne so much fruit in my life, and I keep finding myself surprised when I realize how many amazing things occurred just in this past year. I strive to be faithful to Him, but I so often disregard the ways that I am—I see only the ways I have failed. Instead of the incredible steps in boldness I made through obedience to Him, I see every instance where I failed to take even a small step. A true melancholic, really.
A memory has been stirred in my heart. It was the Spring of 2013, and I felt like the worst human in existence. I fearfully anticipated being yelled at for my awfulness, but I was ready for it—I was sure I deserved it, and I wanted to be punished for it. As I confessed my wrongdoings, the words I received in response took me by surprise: “Mikayla, you need to accept your goodness.”
My ?! It was true. Though I desired to be good, I did not believe I was. I rejected opportunities to do good, because I feared being seen as something I was not. Unknowingly, I perceived goodness as something to be earned, and something from which I had disqualified myself. It is a blessing I was wrong. We are created with inherent goodness, and whatever we have done, have not done, or have had done to us, does not take it away. “Accept your goodness.” The words were like a dagger in my heart removed. I could feel the blade, but it was opening my heart, not wounding it.
In my recent reflections, I realized I still have tendencies to reject my goodness, primarily through attempts to hide myself. I fear being seen as good, but I also fear that what I have to offer is not good. A couple weeks ago, I felt the Lord saying to me, “When you deny your goodness, you deny Me.” I have had a renewed conviction to accept my goodness and act upon it—to share myself in various ways. Even when it is hard for me to see the good, I can trust in faith it is there. I see water, but I know it is wine (John 2: 9-10).