An Extraordinarily Simple Life of Love.

How does one come to grasp the murder of a friend? I do not believe it is possible. It is not natural. We are not meant to experience such things. But, here I am… sitting in Florida… trying.

with Sam at an Arthur Barn Dance my last week of college (December 2012)
Sam Traut. What an amazing guy. Such a great friend. This past Monday I found out that he was murdered. In his home. A home I have been in. A home I had lived within a couple blocks of for 2 ½ years. Where could my mind go but into a state of shock? When I found out, I was not mad at God. Not even at Ashley, the man who killed him. I was just hurt. And immensely confused. Sam? Murdered? Sam is the last person anyone would want to kill. I don’t think I have ever met a person with more genuinely close friends than Sam. Not shallow acquaintances, but actual intentional friendships.

one of my all-time favorite photobombs
I met Sam sometime during my sophomore year of college (5 ½ years ago). We weren’t close right away, but I remember being struck by how outgoing he was. He didn’t seem to hesitate introducing himself to people. He seemed comfortable joining in with whatever was going on, but also reaching out to the uninvolved and bringing them in. Sam was always selfless and understanding, truly possessing the heart of a servant. So inspiring. And so much fun!

As time went on, we did get closer. And we had some excellent adventures! If you have been keeping up with my journey, you know that joining an intramural indoor soccer team my junior year of college was an amazing experience of joy and hope for me. It was a chance to play the sport I loved after years of being unable. Sam was our team captain and the one responsible for bringing a variety of people together. Before our first game, I opened up to Sam about how grateful, excited, and NERVOUS I was. It might not seem that profound to those of you who have met me recently because I am always giving talks and blogging about my struggles. But in college... I did not open up to anyone. And especially not to people I knew. Typically, only strangers I never planned to see again would find out details about my life; almost none of my friends were aware that I had been injured in a car crash. There was something about Sam, though, that did not make me afraid to share. So I told him. And I know that moment helped me to continue opening up in the future, leading me to the wonderful place of freedom I now experience.

gutting a house after 2011 flood in Minot
Sam did not stop me from playing. He encouraged and supported me where I was at. And he welcomed me on his team. Even though I was slow and out of shape. Even though I was dealing with chronic pain and was going to struggle. It was what I needed. And he gave me the opportunity to experience it. And, regardless of what I was going through personally, it was inspiring just to get to watch him play. No one can hustle like Sam hustles. He worked so hard, not just on the field, but in everything he did. He was always looking for a way to serve and pursue excellence. And, in all that he did, he did so with an abundance of joy. He always had a positive spirit and was able to bring peace to those who were struggling, myself included. For example, the morning of the 40-mile bike race, I was internally panicking. So I told Sam. He was able to calm me down enough to start and finish the race. And that whole experience was another amazing turning point in my life leading me to deeper trust in the Lord.

just another night in Niskanen
As the memories of the times we shared together and the conversations we had continue to come to mind, I am becoming more and more aware of the profound impact Sam has had on my life. I am so grateful for him. Of course, it is tempting to dwell on regrets. There are so many things I wish that I would have done or said, especially in these past 2 ½ years since graduating and moving away. I wish I would have been more intentional during this time, to have somehow shown him what a great man he is. But, instead, I am trying to focus on being grateful for all of the opportunities we did have. I rejoice in the many various encounters at the Newman Center or on campus, late-night Cash-Wise runs, the impromptu soccer game with his friends out by T-Lot, star-tipping in the front yard of my parents’ house on a mini-mission trip to gut a flood house, having McDonald’s paired with Alex’s cranberry sauce after swing dancing up in Arthur, and so many more.


Bruce and Tiki D limbo at Zorbaz in DL
I know I am just one life and Sam has impacted many. This brings me so much joy. We are all hurting now; it is really hard, indescribably painful. But I am so happy. Because Sam did it! He showed us how to live. He showed us how to be saints. With every moment in his life, with every encounter with each one of us, he showed us. In the very moment of his death, he showed us. So now it’s our turn. We are all called to be saints. We are called to live like Sam lived. Fully present to those around us. Flexible and open to new adventures. Inviting those around to join in on the experience. Simply living out Love. That’s all he did. And that’s all we are called to do.

Please pray for Sam, his family, his multitude of close friends, and anyone who has even in the slightest way been affected by him (potentially every person in this world). I ask you to also pray for Clarence, the man murdered earlier in the day before Sam, and his loved ones. And, most especially, pray for Ashley Hunter. He has murdered, yes, but he is a beloved child of God. Pray for healing in his heart, that he may accept the Mercy that God extends to him. And may we be merciful. Our anger will not bring Sam back, but our love and compassion can turn this tragedy into something Beautiful.

My heart goes out to all of you who are suffering with this loss. I love you. I wish I could be with all of you right now, but I can’t. This breaks my heart, but I trust the Lord will provide comfort for each of us, wherever we all might be.

..Click respective names for beautiful words about Sam from Norm and Kelsey...

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