An Extraordinarily Simple Life of Love.
How does one come to grasp the murder of a friend? I do not believe it is
possible. It is not natural. We are not meant to experience such
things. But, here I am… sitting in
Florida… trying.
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| with Sam at an Arthur Barn Dance my last week of college (December 2012) |
Sam Traut. What an amazing guy.
Such a great friend. This past Monday I found out that he was murdered. In his home. A home I have been in. A home I had lived within a
couple blocks of for 2 ½ years. Where could my mind go but into a state of
shock? When I found out, I was not mad at God. Not even at Ashley, the man who
killed him. I was just hurt. And immensely confused. Sam? Murdered? Sam is the last person anyone would want to
kill. I don’t think I have ever met a person with more genuinely close
friends than Sam. Not shallow acquaintances, but actual intentional friendships.
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| one of my all-time favorite photobombs |
I met Sam sometime during my sophomore year of college (5 ½ years ago).
We weren’t close right away, but I remember being struck by how outgoing he
was. He didn’t seem to hesitate introducing himself to people. He seemed comfortable
joining in with whatever was going on, but also reaching out to the uninvolved
and bringing them in. Sam was always selfless and understanding, truly
possessing the heart of a servant. So inspiring. And so much fun!
As time went on, we did get closer. And we had some excellent adventures! If you have been keeping up with my journey,
you know that joining an intramural indoor soccer team my junior year of
college was an amazing experience of joy and hope for me. It was a chance to
play the sport I loved after years of being unable. Sam was our team captain
and the one responsible for bringing a variety of people together. Before our
first game, I opened up to Sam about how grateful,
excited, and NERVOUS I was. It might
not seem that profound to those of you who have met me recently because I am
always giving talks and blogging about my struggles. But in college... I did not open up to anyone. And especially not to people I knew. Typically,
only strangers I never planned to see again would find out details about my
life; almost none of my friends were aware that I had been injured in a car
crash. There was something about Sam, though, that did not make me afraid to
share. So I told him. And I know that moment helped me to continue opening up
in the future, leading me to the wonderful place of freedom I now experience.
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| gutting a house after 2011 flood in Minot |
Sam did not stop me from playing. He encouraged and supported me where I
was at. And he welcomed me on his team. Even though I was slow and out of
shape. Even though I was dealing with chronic pain and was going to struggle.
It was what I needed. And he gave me the opportunity to experience it. And,
regardless of what I was going through personally, it was inspiring just to get
to watch him play. No one can hustle like Sam hustles. He worked so hard, not
just on the field, but in everything
he did. He was always looking for a way to serve and pursue excellence. And, in
all that he did, he did so with an abundance of joy. He always had a positive
spirit and was able to bring peace to those who were struggling, myself
included. For example, the morning of the 40-mile bike race, I was internally panicking. So I told Sam. He was able to calm me down enough to start and
finish the race. And that whole experience was another amazing turning point in
my life leading me to deeper trust in the Lord.
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| just another night in Niskanen |
As the memories of the times we shared together and the conversations we
had continue to come to mind, I am becoming more and more aware of the profound
impact Sam has had on my life. I am so grateful for him. Of course, it is
tempting to dwell on regrets. There are so many things I wish that I would have
done or said, especially in these past 2 ½ years since graduating and moving
away. I wish I would have been more intentional during this time, to have somehow
shown him what a great man he is. But, instead, I am trying to focus on being
grateful for all of the opportunities we did have. I rejoice in the many various
encounters at the Newman Center or on campus, late-night Cash-Wise runs, the
impromptu soccer game with his friends out by T-Lot, star-tipping in the front
yard of my parents’ house on a mini-mission trip to gut a flood house, having
McDonald’s paired with Alex’s cranberry sauce after swing dancing up in Arthur,
and so many more.
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| Bruce and Tiki D limbo at Zorbaz in DL |
I know I am just one life and Sam has impacted many. This brings me so
much joy. We are all hurting now; it is really hard, indescribably painful. But
I am so happy. Because Sam did it! He
showed us how to live. He showed us how to be saints. With every moment in his
life, with every encounter with each one of us, he showed us. In the very
moment of his death, he showed us. So now it’s our turn. We are all called
to be saints. We are called to live like Sam lived. Fully present to those
around us. Flexible and open to new adventures. Inviting those around to join
in on the experience. Simply living out Love. That’s all he did. And that’s all
we are called to do.
Please pray for Sam, his family, his multitude of close friends, and
anyone who has even in the slightest way been affected by him (potentially
every person in this world). I ask you to also pray for Clarence, the man
murdered earlier in the day before Sam, and his loved ones. And, most
especially, pray for Ashley Hunter. He has murdered, yes, but he is a beloved
child of God. Pray for healing in his heart, that he may accept the Mercy that
God extends to him. And may we be merciful. Our anger will not bring Sam back,
but our love and compassion can turn this tragedy into something Beautiful.
My heart goes out to all of you who are suffering with this loss. I
love you. I wish I could be with all of you right now, but I can’t.
This breaks my heart, but I trust the Lord will provide comfort for each of us,
wherever we all might be.
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