Just Pickin' Up My Mat.. :)

This evening, I ended a weekend silent retreat. For one of the periods, I had meditated on Mark 2:1-12: When Jesus returned to Capernaum after some days, it became known that he was at home. Many gathered together so that there was no longer room for them, not even around the door, and he preached the word to them. They came bringing to him a paralytic carried by four men. Unable to get near Jesus because of the crowd, they opened up the roof above him. After they had broken through, they let down the mat on which the paralytic was lying. When Jesus saw their faith, he said to the paralytic, “Child, your sins are forgiven.” Now some of the scribes were sitting there asking themselves, “Why does this man speak that way? He is blaspheming. Who but God alone can forgive sins?” Jesus immediately knew in his mind what they were thinking to themselves, so he said, “Why are you thinking such things in your hearts? Which is easier, to say to the paralytic, ‘Your sins are forgiven,’ or to say, ‘Rise, pick up your mat and walk’? But that you may know that the Son of Man has authority to forgive sins on earth,” he said to the paralytic, “I say to you, rise, pick up your mat, and go home.” He rose, picked up his mat at once, and went away in the sight of everyone. They were all astounded and glorified God, saying, “We have never seen anything like this.”

The meditation was supposed to focus on God’s Mercy, which was what was on my mind all morning leading up to this particular meditation. When I saw the heading, “Jesus Heals the Paralytic through the Forgiveness of Sins,” I reacted mostly with a, “Hot dang! It won’t be difficult for me to ‘place’ myself in this story; this is my story!” Before I began, I thought back to the first time I remember hearing the story. I was in the lower level of Our Lady of Grace Parish, most likely between the ages of five and seven. The story was acted out and I remember the awe of the miracle. When I became the healed paralytic a decade later, I was also in awe; however, it has just been brought to my attention that I had not yet gotten up.

Upon starting the meditation, it immediately did not go in the direction I expected it to. Over the past couple of weeks I have been struggling with the idea that I’ve been clinging to my past. Well, God affirmed that for me. Reading the story yesterday, it wasn’t about my miraculous healing. It wasn’t for me to be placing my past in, but my present self.

I SAY TO YOU, RISE

old rendition of the healing of the paralytic.. :)

What have I been lying on? My mat is my past. I have been clinging to it, afraid that, if I separate from it, I will forget who I am. I’ve also been afraid to be healed, afraid that I would no longer be able to be unified with my sufferings and the sufferings of Jesus Christ. Also, with being on the mat of my past, I have been hiding things about myself from the outside world, both in the past and in the present. My body has covered the mat and the mat has shielded my body. It’s time for me to get up and start walking.

PICK UP YOUR MAT

Notice, Jesus does not say, “Leave your mat,” “Give me your mat,” or, “Hand your mat to that guy.” No; I have been instructed to pick it up and carry it with me. I shouldn’t cling to it, but I do need to embrace it. My mat, my past, carries all of my experiences, blessings, lessons, and miraculous moments. Who would I be if I completely abandoned all that God has blessed me with?

AND GO HOME

Home, is to the Father. But it is time for me to walk to Him with Jesus, as opposed to being carried to Him on my past by those who love me and have desired for me to get to Him. Only with God will I continue to learn the next step on my journey. I am His daughter and He holds the family calendar.

cake decorating props to Amanda Crockett

AND WENT AWAY IN THE SIGHT OF EVERYONE

Not only am I called to go, but I am called to be exposed. My past and my present, exposed to be a witness to Christ, leaving me open and vulnerable. I’m looking forward to this new style. Not sure what is in store, but that’s why I’ve been instructed to “go home,” to go to the Father. If I am persistent in going to Him, He will let me know what I need to know, when I need to know it. That goes for all of us; He’s great! And He knows what’s best for us, so let’s trust Him, together.