Whole.

Wow. My life is amazing. Why? Because my life is in Christ. Jesus is my Life. I can do nothing without Him and I do not want to do anything without Him. When I tried to get through life on my own, it was a lonely battle. With Him, life is an exciting adventure. He is always with me, but He was always with me before, too. The difference is that I used to ignore Him and pull away. What made me believe that I was “too cool” for Jesus? What convinced me that I was better than God? My pride had become so controlling and letting God have a part in my life was the last on my list of priorities.

What changed? You could say that Jesus entered my life, but He had been there the whole time. I could not acknowledge Him, though, until I made the decision to surrender my pride and get to know Him. Once I began responding to His Calls and His Love, my life began to transform. It was no longer mine, but His. I lived with continuous suffering, but He gave me something more important to focus on: Himself. My life began to overflow with His Joy and His Peace. Even with the pain, I felt more myself than I ever had. I could not participate in all of the activities that used to define me, but it didn’t matter. I had everything I needed.

But Jesus wanted to give me more. He knew I was happy, but He wanted to make me happier. He knew I loved Him even through the suffering, but He wanted to take the pain away. He had wanted to take it away the whole six years, but I did not want Him to. Loving me and respecting my choice, He did not press it on me. Instead, He gently led me to the right people and the right places so that my heart could be healed of its hurts and open to His Love. As my will was further conformed to His, I was led to desire the healing He so longed to give me. And He responded so quickly, but in the most fascinating way. I frequently find myself imagining ways for Jesus to surprise me, but this was far beyond anything I ever could have imagined. It was so perfect that I had a moment of hesitation in believing it, myself.

But, let me tell you: it is real. The healing in my back is so real. Looking back on the past six years, it is obvious that God had been flooding me with graces. I was always in denial of how much pain I felt, but now that it is gone, I am amazed by how I got through each day. It was not because of me; I am a huge wimp. But Jesus is amazing.

At New Staff Training with my College of Saint Gemma (patron saint of those with back pain) before my first round of volleyball games post-healing.. that felt awesome. :)

Now, I am feeling more myself than even before. I have been RUNNING (almost) every day for about the past month! Granted, I am not very skilled in the art and sometimes wonder if I walk faster, but I am doing it! There are discouraging moments because I still have a lot of strength to work up, but it feels so good to run. It is an amazing blessing to re-experience the miracle every time I go for a run. The best way I can describe it is that I feel whole. Body, mind, and spirit. All strong in Christ Jesus.

..playing freely with my nephew..

Moving towards my next adventure, I expect to be much more available to the students now that debilitating physical pain won’t get in the way. On August 15, The Feast of the Assumption of Mary, I will be arriving in Ypsilanti, Michigan, to spend a year (at least) on campus at Eastern Michigan University. There, I will continue working with FOCUS – The Fellowship of Catholic University Students. As a missionary on campus, I will continue to witness to the miracles Christ is working in my life. And, by the leading of the Holy Spirit, will help the students to recognize Christ in their own lives and discover their own wholeness.

[[Over the next week, I will be at home in North Dakota, continuing to fundraise my salary. If you are interested in this mission of FOCUS, I would gladly welcome you to partner with me financially. I am particularly looking for monthly pledges; donations can be made HERE. If you have any questions, you can e-mail me at mikayla.koble@focus.org. Thank you and God bless.]]

Team EMU (clockwise): James (team director), Father Bob (chaplain), Heidemarie (campus minister), Becky, and Myself

Reflection: Do you feel whole? Are you lacking anything in your life that prevents you from being more “you”? Ask Jesus to fulfill your desires. He wants to. Let Him make you whole. I understand if you are afraid, and Jesus understands more. He will not force you into anything scary; allow Him to gently lead you. Surrender your pride. And trust Him.