Gift.

Oh, Life! What a Gift. Do you notice the Lord in your day-to-day? Do you see a glimpse into what He is doing? If you don’t, start paying attention; it is amazing! For years of my life I was so oblivious- basically wandering aimlessly in the opposite direction. I did not see the Lord working in my life, pretty convinced that He couldn’t be. My misunderstandings led me to believe that the God I had learned about was selfish [:/] and I wanted nothing to do with any of it; aside from that, it felt ignorant to believe the Church to be True just because I was raised in it.

But I wasn’t looking into any other religions or exploring the Catholic faith more deeply in search of Truth. I was just moving along, doing (more or less) as I was told. It was pretty apparent to me that God existed (because, really, where did we come from?!), but it stopped there. In my perception, God was real, but I did not matter to Him. I was certainly not accepting Jesus’ invitation to a personal relationship with Him. Then, one day, my life almost ended. [Awkward.]

I so easily could have died not knowing Christ’s Love for me and for you. Ahhhhhh! BUT I DIDN’T!! I lived! What a gift! No, I did not wake up with a noticeable spiritual change- “God saving me” was not something on my radar. I woke up confused. I felt my life was pointless before the crash; afterwards.. it was like I had proof. It was very apparent to me that I could do nothing. How worthless. Definitely not a gift. What was the point of my existence?

A year later, learning more about the Church and other religions, I no longer had any doubts that the Catholic Church has the fullness of Truth. I still did not know God’s Love for me on a personal level, but that started coming along a couple years later after I started praying and paying attention. Then I could start to see that God indeed has a purpose for me, for each one of us. It was still clear that I could do nothing, but also that Christ can work through me and He is capable of all things. And when I looked back, I saw that I was undeserving of the second chance I had been given. At times it was very overwhelming. Over and over again, I would hear stories about others dying in car accidents. I could never understand why I didn’t die. I felt ashamed for living. I felt guilty for the death of others, even of those I had never met. And whenever I was feeling worthless and incapable I would ask God why He didn’t “take me out when He had the chance.” I was so stuck on how undeserving I am. Enslaved to it. Paralyzed by it.

This past July I went on an 8-day Silent Retreat in Ave Maria, Florida. During one of my hours of prayer, I was going through one of Ignatius’ meditations on sin and this whole topic came up. Yeesh. I found myself bawling almost instantly. And, as you might be aware, Saint Ignatius of Loyola is very close to me. He wrote the meditation and I remember sitting there like, “Whyyyyyyy did you doooo this to meeeeeee?! This huuuurts soooo baaaaad!” But it was so good… because I was lovingly kicked in the butt.

It’s not about me! It’s about the Lord. It’s about having the freedom to glorify Him. Having the freedom to love and honor Him. Having the freedom to imitate Him and do good. Having the freedom to share Him. Having the freedom to love others and lead them to Him. Ignatius told me, “Do not despair in your gift of Life, but be ever-grateful to our Heavenly Father.” In spiritual direction the next morning I was told the same thing, to not focus on how the gift is undeserved but as freely given.

A Gift. Freely given. Truly a Gift. Life is a Gift. You have Life; it is a Gift. Jesus is Life. He is your Gift. Today is Christmas. Jesus has come. For you! Accept His Gift. Accept Him. Nothing anyone says can convince you of His Love; you have to experience it for yourself. But He will not force it upon you, so invite Him in. He already Loves you. Allow Him to show you. You will not regret it. Merry Christmas!