Compelled

“During the night Paul had a vision; there stood a man of Macedonia pleading with him and saying, ‘Come over to Macedonia and help us.’ When he had seen the vision, we immediately tried to cross over to Macedonia, being convinced that God had called us to proclaim the good news to them.”

Acts 16: 9-10

I am so grateful for Saint Paul. He has been an incredible mentor for me in boldness, exhortation, and trust. He also makes me feel less crazy! I seem to have a reputation for impulsive journeys and life choices. Though I actively overthink everything, what I do often appears random and illogical—like the time I traveled to Rome “because Kansas City was stalking me”—or how I started writing song lyrics at a time when I did not even listen to music. When I feel convicted that I am called to do something, I may hesitate, but I strive to follow through and do it. I continue to trust the convictions of my heart, and they continue to be fruitful. When I went to Rome, I received a miraculous healing in my back. Writing songs led to the formation of a non-profit organization. So much good has come forth—both in the simple and the extraordinary.

Despite all this, there is still plenty room for my trust to grow. God is continuously calling me to stretch outside of my comfort zone. Currently, I believe that He is calling me to move to La Crosse, Wisconsin. Why? I think Saint Paul best describes how I feel here:

“But now, compelled by the Spirit, I am going to Jerusalem. What will happen to me there I do not know…”

Acts 20: 22

(my homes over the years)

I have been trying to logically present why I am moving, but to be quite honest, I have no idea! On a practical note, it is halfway between here (Ypsilanti, Michigan) and home (Minot, North Dakota)—not that making the 2,400-mile-round-trip drive is an inconvenience. In regards to other convictions of what my heart needs, it is beautiful! And they have the Cathedral of Saint Joseph the Workman and the National Shrine of Our Lady of Guadalupe! Also, it is in Wisconsin, so beer and cheese and the Packers and stuff. (Bonus: I can go on walks to Minnesota again!)

No, I do not have a job lined up there—or a place to live. Yes, I will still be creating things and traveling for COR – Cats on Rockets. Expect to see more paintings, writings, rosaries, and adventures. My first grade desires to be an artist and an author are being actualized, and it is about as unstable as I had been warned. Since deciding to move, a few job opportunities have arisen here in Michigan. The prospect of stability and the avoidance of starting over in a new community is quite tempting. Though I know it would still be good, I also know that I am meant for something else. I do not know what it looks like, but fear cannot be what stops me. It is worth the risk. Even if it is largely unsuccessful, I have an incredible opportunity to grow in trust.

To truly trust, you must act upon it. You will never know if something would work out if you do not give it a chance. It might not go how you intended—it may not appear to be successful—but that does not mean you should not have tried. Think about something you were confident about that seemingly failed. How did you grow through this experience? And what about the convictions on your heart that you have been ignoring? Why have you not acted upon them? Do you fear failure? Are you afraid of what others will think? I encourage you to take a risk. Let go of who you think you should be—of who others expect you to be—and become who you are meant to be.

“I wish you would bear with me in a little foolishness. Do bear with me!”

2 Corinthians 11: 1