Thick Thighs

“Fat baby, short legs.” These were the words spoken by my doctor while I was in the womb, and they have continued to be in the back of my head. 

My legs have always been thick, and I spent most of my life hating them. We had daily Mass in elementary school, and I remember being self-conscious about the width of my thighs compared to my classmates next to me in the pews. In middle school and high school, I tried everything imaginable to make them slimmer, but nothing ever worked. They got stronger and more flexible, but also wider.   

Little did I know that I would soon be weeping over the legs I once had. I have a vivid memory from my sophomore year of college. I was sitting at the table with my laptop, looking at photos from before the crash. Devastated, I thought, “I used to think I was fat, and I hated myself, but now I actually am, and there is nothing I can do.” 

It had been over three years since the car accident, and I had put on a lot of extra weight very quickly. Within the year following the crash, I remember stretching my legs out during a practice. One of my teammates noticed the red marks on my inner thighs, and her eyes got really big with concern: “What happened?!” I am sure it looked like I was covered in cuts, but they were stretch marks, and I was mortified. I do not think I even said anything—just moved my legs back together. My wardrobe changed after that.  

My miraculous back healing offered me a lot of freedom to move again. It has been a slow journey, but I have lost about half of the weight that had been added. I am still really self-conscious about my plus size legs, but I do not hate them anymore.  

I was just looking at my (now faded) stretch marks, and I felt the familiar disgust and frustration. Then I acknowledged that they are scars—and you know how much I love scars. You guys, my body underwent something terrible, and it never gave up. My spirit was so broken, but my body somehow persevered. I am so proud of my stubby legs. 

This is certainly not something I was expecting to share, especially a picture of what I try so hard to keep hidden (yikes!), but these tears of gratitude convict me it is important. I am not going to tell you what I hope you take out of this. I am just going to leave it here, and I pray it helps. 

“..before I formed you in the womb I knew you..” // Jeremiah 1:5