Alive.

This past Monday, four NDSU students were killed in a motor vehicle crash. Four students. Four freshmen. Four girls. Four precious lives. I did not know any of the girls, but I feel somewhat of a connection with them now. We are now all victims of motor vehicle crashes. But that brings me to feelings of confusion, for I am still alive. I don’t know what happened to each girl inside the vehicle that would have been more or less severe than my situation, but I do know that they didn’t survive. Why did I survive? You could argue the point that my situation was different, and that’s true, but I wasn’t “supposed” to survive either. This question of my survival has stumped me for years, but I know as far as that God intended for me to survive. As for those other girls, I pray they are up in Heaven with Our Lord, enjoying eternal life.

This event appears to be so tragic, but God can and will bring the good out of it. It has already brought the campus of NDSU together and has caused many to really think about the value of life. And there is so much value in a life. I almost lost mine, but I still lose focus of the truth in its value. Whenever I hear of someone else dying in a motor vehicle crash, I am strongly reminded that I am alive. And I am grateful. I used to be more confused than grateful, but I have come a long way in understanding the reality of being alive. In the beginning, I was simply in denial that I could possibly not be living. I saw the crash as just something people told me about to try to explain my severe injuries that seemingly came out of nowhere. Some expressed distress of having been afraid they might lose me, but I could not grasp where this worry came from. When I started to accept that I did almost die, my train of thought shifted to fear. If God had kept me alive, He had a big plan for me, right? As a 16-year-old girl, I was terrified by this realization. I didn’t know what God was asking of me and I doubted my abilities to succeed in whatever it was He was asking of me. It took years for me to get through this stage, but I eventually did realize that God will provide and make me fit for whatever it is He asks of me. I also realized that it is not just one task He wants me to complete and then I am done and will be ready to die; His plan for me encompasses my entire life. Another important realization I made with all of this is that my purpose is no more important than anyone else’s. God has something big and amazing in store for all of us. We are all called to do great things for Him, whether the world realizes it almost lost us or not.

At one point last semester, I was really struggling with the whole concept of being alive and others not. I’d heard a story about a pregnant young woman dying in a motor vehicle crash and it really got to me. A lot of tears were poured out that day as I contemplated the reason for my existence and the possibility of no longer being on Earth. At the time of the crash, I was not in a state of grace, so that freaked me out. What if I hadn’t made it? In God’s infinite mercy, I may not have been sent to hell, but it was what I deserved. Once at the hospital I did receive Anointing of the Sick (twice), so after that point I would have been clear if I died. But it was a miracle that I even made it to that point. I didn’t die so I probably shouldn’t dwell on what would have happened if I had, but I do think that it’s a healthy point to at least consider. In doing so, I have become more conscious of my present life. As much as I could doubt it, there is still a chance that I could die at any moment. If that were to happen, I want to be in a state of grace. We should all strive for this. When we screw up, which happens, we need to go to Confession. If we don’t, we are risking our opportunity for eternal life with Christ. So with that, I encourage you to be grateful for your own life, to try your all to follow God’s plan for you, and to confess your sins. We are now in the season of Lent, which is an exceptionally great time to focus on our lives and reorient them for Christ. May God Bless You and Keep You.