Battle Wounds

Over the past several years, I have reflected a lot on beauty, dignity, and worth. I have not shared much—though I have known since January of 2014 that it is part of my mission. The reflection time has been a long recovery period from a lifetime of battle wounds—all the while remaining in the midst of the fight. Old scars and new bruises. Haunting memories and present attacks. There is certainly a battle over each of our lives—the exciting part… we get to pick who wins!

The evil one incessantly attempts to pull us away from our Heavenly Father—but he has no power. He cannot force you to do anything, and he cannot take anything away from you. Also fighting unceasingly: God. He does have Power—ALL of the Power. He fights for your love, because He knows that you are only fulfilled in union with Him. He longs to be with you, but He will never force you to be with Him. He allows the fight to occur—through it, He gives you a glimpse of how much He Loves you—even death does not stop Him! You are no exception to this Love. Regardless of what you have done or what has been done to you—you are Loved—and He fights for you.

For a majority of my life, I only noticed the attacks against my dignity—I thought that the fight was one-sided—and I thought that I deserved what I received. I was convinced that God did not intend for me to exist. I thought that I had ruined any chance I might have had through my sins—my deliberate actions against God. When I almost died in the crash—because I noticed that His omnipotence (all-powerfulness) would be incompatible with “failing to succeed in taking me out”—I concluded that the crash was put in place to justify my existence—or that it was simply a warning of upcoming tragedy that would “successfully” rid of me. His Love was not part of my equation. Not yet.

Everything began to change as I started developing a life of prayer. My perception of my dignity proved to indeed be incompatible with His Love—and I experienced His Love to be very real. Without Him, I would not exist—none of us would. He Loves each and every one of us into existence, and His Love for us never stops. It took some time for me to start accepting that, and I am sure He still has much more to show me, but I began to more faithfully call upon the Lord. In asking the Lord to be with me, I became more aware of His Presence, and have noticed countless times where He has protected me throughout my lifetime—even in the memories from my past, and especially in times where I had before perceived evil to have taken victory. When I look at tragic moments from my past, I am now more surprised by how much I had been spared in each event. God is always moving. He will always bring forth Good—if we want Him to win the battle over our lives, we just have to let Him.

                                                                                                                   

Though I had started acknowledging God’s Love for me, making sense of it in relation to my everyday life was difficult. Some of my wounds had been stitched up, but it seemed that the opponent was firing off stronger than ever—and I was getting hit.  It felt like everywhere I turned I encountered another situation stabbing at my dignity. God was always alongside me, repeatedly revealing to me the worth I have in Him, but I was not accepting it. I was overwhelmed by the lies from the evil one echoing through my head. I felt filthy. I felt that I was nothing but an object. I felt like a trap. The list goes on and on. The healing process has been brutally painful—especially considering the fight has not stopped—but I am in awe of the confidence I have been gifted with through all of it. Situations that once would have been filled with fear are now peacefully directed by Love.

God wants you to know that He offers this to you as well. He desires to show you that He is the source of your Beauty, Dignity, and Worth—to make it clear that it cannot be taken away from you. Regardless of your battle wounds—regardless of your mistakes on the field—your dignity remains intact. Allow Him to heal you. Allow Him to correct you. Allow Him to lead you. The evil one wants you to be isolated in your fears—alone in your pain. Bring to light what you have hidden in darkness. Offer your brokenness to Jesus, as He offers His Wounded Self to you. It is through His Holy Wounds that we are saved—may He also be glorified through yours. You may not be called to share with the whole world, but I encourage you to open up to someone you trust. The healing process will likely be painful, but I promise that it is worth it.